Autists
Making
Dividends
A publicly unserious financial institution. We convert bad decisions into dividends at industrial scale. Our risk department has been placed on administrative leave.
An introduction
Management commissioned a short film to explain the institution to prospective shareholders.
It does not explain the institution.
We were not built for saving. We were built for distribution.
The filing
The business model
Our proprietary capital allocation system has officially been finalized. The results are extremely promising. Unfortunately, nobody knows what the fuck it does.
Despite this, the system was approved unanimously by the Board. The Board is one person. That person is me. Capital allocation remains fully operational.
AMD™ proprietary capital allocation system
Quarterly results
In the interest of transparency, AMD publishes full financials every quarter. Shareholders are encouraged to read them carefully and then continue buying regardless.
“Absolutely phenomenal. The entire net income is being distributed to shareholders.”
Internal memorandum
This policy will be reviewed when we are rich.
Employees who have resigned may reapply at a higher price.
Corporate structure
AMD maintains a conventional reporting hierarchy. Authority flows downward. So does everything else.
Approved terminology
AMD is an institution, and institutions have language. Employees are asked to observe the following.
Public services
An institution should contribute something to the jurisdiction it operates in. So we built one useful thing and gave it away.
Office of Ticker Reservations
Every token launched on Long.xyz holds its ticker for 24 hours. The launch app will tell you a ticker is taken; it will not tell you when it frees up. Ours reads the reservation straight off the chain and gives you the exact release time, down to the second — plus which names are most contested, which are free right now, and what everything trades against. No account, no server, no fee.
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